It Was Just A Paper Bag...

Mark bought us tickets to the Fiona Apple concert at the Palladium last Sunday as a birthday gift to himself. Even though I was somewhat obsessed with When the Pawn... back in college, I wasn't really all that excited beforehand because I hadn't really listened to her new album. I suppose really though it was hard thinking about how much I used to associate with her lyrics, being so beautiful but so deeply sad, and thinking about how sad I used to be. The show was good though.

And yeah, I may have nearly shed a tear or two when she started singing "Paper Bag." As a total nerd with extreme bouts of self-loathing and insecurity, it was totally my constantly repeating on the iPod self-defeating anthem that stated more beautifully than I could express all of my feelings at the time-how I would never find anyone who would love me with all my inner craziness and fun thoughts like that. What can I say-I used to really like wallowing in my unhappiness. Of course, now I know that we're all crazy and it's just about finding someone whose weirdness and quirks can tolerate and love your own. Still, even if the words of the song don't match how I feel anymore, remembering how much they meant to me then was moving enough and made me quite happy not to feel that way anymore.

Learning to Love Summer

I have a confession to make: I hate summer. Now before you pelt things at your screen aimed at my head, I get it-there are tons of wonderful things about summertime and I have many great memories of going to the beach, eating a bowl of ripe strawberries after dinner, BBQs that involved staying in the pool so long my whole hands were wrinkly, and the like. But ultimately, I crave cloudy days, tights, getting to throw on a pair of boots, and the magic of winter and fall holidays. Sorry.

Still, rather than pout for the next (sweaty, heat stroke-inducing) two months, I am determined to focus on those things about summer that are good, and forget for now about all the things I would rather be doing and wearing. A few of my favorite upsides:

• The fact that the sun doesn't set until around 9pm. There is nothing so sad as the sun going down at 4:30pm. It makes me terribly lazy, as I am not exactly very productive at nighttime, and is just depressing to get out of work and realize you haven't seen the sun all day. 

• Nectarines. Now that I am very half-heartedly trying to cut out the processed sugars I need really good natural alternatives. Slowly peeling nectarine skins with my teeth and then getting to taste their luscious innards makes saying bye-bye to almond croissants somewhat more bearable. Somewhat. 

• Outdoor concerts. There is something so indulgent about sitting/standing outside in the fresh air and listening to music. Whether craziness like Lollapalooza or a more sedate orchestral performance at the Hollywood Bowl, it's not something I'd find nearly as appealing with the threat of rain or serious chill.

• The beach. I can theoretically go to the beach any season, but the Pacific is freezing, y'all! It's barely tolerable in August, so being able to actually get in the water is something of a treat, even if seeing someone catch a baby shark from the shores of Malibu as a child has basically wiped out my interest in actually swimming in the ocean. 

• Bright colored clothing. If I had to select one color palette to wear for the rest of my life I would undoubtedly go with black, charcoal, and other shades of grey, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the opportunity to have fun with my summer clothes. Mint, bright pink, cobalt, and even (gasp!) white are all fair game when the sun is out and I've got some sad semblance of a tan to help them pop. It's the perfect chance to mix patterns and have some fun since fewer layers means fewer opportunities to criminally clash. 

Tonight, We Dance

I have FINALLY gotten a job offer in my field. I was seriously starting to think I would literally never get hired. The gig involves a level of discretion that requires I undergo a background check so extensive that it may take 2-4 months to be completed and for me to be given my start date but the bottom line is that I can see the light at the end of this broke-ass tunnel lined in low self-confidence and debt.

So knowing me I've already bought myself like 5 "congratulations" gifts, including the only necklace I'll ever need (post to come when it arrives Monday), classes to SPX Pilates at Pilates Plus Silverlake (which I start bright and early at 7am on Monday-I'm so serious about this getting into shape crap that I've started the Paleo Diet and straight up cut out sugar since I've become legitimately addicted to the point of -eek- consuming baked goods almost daily at one point), and a pair of summer sandals that contain silver foil polka dots and are sure to be ruined by the end of the season. Whatever. I'll be able to pay off my credit cards within a couple of months on the new salary, save up to help Mark and I get out of our tiny apartment with its filthy carpet (never again, my friends-forget cold feet and just invest in some good slippers and rugs), and finally be able to afford the kinds of things like regular hair cuts, bikini waxes, and good facial masks that keep people unlike me looking put together and sophisticated. Not going to lie-I will trade all of today's problems for the problems that come along with having a real job. A real job where I get to pee when I want to without asking permission and get a paycheck for that covers more than a tank of gas.

D'oh

Oops, way past due for posting. See, I am currently mega broke, and that makes blogging slightly more...depressing. I can't window shop for cool goods because I never make it out without placing five things in my virtual cart and keeping the tab open for so long that I break and stick a purchase on my credit card. And as an eternal dieter, I can't go gaga posting about all the delicious naughty treats I want to stuff my face with. At least not with any regularity. I mean, I have been craving an almond croissant from Proof Bakery for upwards of a week now but I'm not budging until my pants are as loose as your mother (sorry, sometimes my humor is awkward and crass). And that would make for a drool-worthy blog post because everyone knows the almond croissant is the best weekday breakfast treat ever. I sort of hate those blogs that just regurgitate fashion images with no original content so while my life is pretty boring, I just don't have much "coolness" to put out there.

So instead, you're reading about all the ways in life I fail. Sorry, I'm not loving it much either. But if you want me to be more entertaining, just find someone to give me a normal-paying gig! Actually, please do. Then I can blog about buying fun exercise classes at the Heartbeat House, which will help me burn enough calories to justify running across the street for that frickin' croissant.