Secret Single Behavior

I've lived with my boyfriend for the past three years, and love spending time with him very much, but I'd be lying if I said I don't occasionally enjoy the fact that he works evenings so that I can be alone and partake in what I learned from Sex and the City is my "secret single behavior." Those things that aren't exactly embarrassingly unusual or bad, but which are for whatever reason so much more pleasurable when done alone: marathoning tv shows all night long while eating peppermint Joe Joes, putting on crazy outfits or makeup, listening to bad music, fingering through old photo albums or letters, etc. I'm even so weird as to have a large collection of movies that I only ever want to watch alone, for those cathartic crying sessions. Haha.

As an undeniable loner, it can be a challenge losing your independence at home and these moments are important for maintaining some shred of sense of self, at least for me. Doing things that make you happy purely for yourself and without having to "worry" about anyone else's wants or needs is so liberating when it's become a rarity. So break out the cans of Sofia wine, put on your largest and ugliest pjs, and OnDemand a whole two seasons of Game of Thrones in a row before you realize it's 4a.m. and you actually have shit to do tomorrow.

It Was Just A Paper Bag...

Mark bought us tickets to the Fiona Apple concert at the Palladium last Sunday as a birthday gift to himself. Even though I was somewhat obsessed with When the Pawn... back in college, I wasn't really all that excited beforehand because I hadn't really listened to her new album. I suppose really though it was hard thinking about how much I used to associate with her lyrics, being so beautiful but so deeply sad, and thinking about how sad I used to be. The show was good though.

And yeah, I may have nearly shed a tear or two when she started singing "Paper Bag." As a total nerd with extreme bouts of self-loathing and insecurity, it was totally my constantly repeating on the iPod self-defeating anthem that stated more beautifully than I could express all of my feelings at the time-how I would never find anyone who would love me with all my inner craziness and fun thoughts like that. What can I say-I used to really like wallowing in my unhappiness. Of course, now I know that we're all crazy and it's just about finding someone whose weirdness and quirks can tolerate and love your own. Still, even if the words of the song don't match how I feel anymore, remembering how much they meant to me then was moving enough and made me quite happy not to feel that way anymore.

Learning to Love Summer

I have a confession to make: I hate summer. Now before you pelt things at your screen aimed at my head, I get it-there are tons of wonderful things about summertime and I have many great memories of going to the beach, eating a bowl of ripe strawberries after dinner, BBQs that involved staying in the pool so long my whole hands were wrinkly, and the like. But ultimately, I crave cloudy days, tights, getting to throw on a pair of boots, and the magic of winter and fall holidays. Sorry.

Still, rather than pout for the next (sweaty, heat stroke-inducing) two months, I am determined to focus on those things about summer that are good, and forget for now about all the things I would rather be doing and wearing. A few of my favorite upsides:

• The fact that the sun doesn't set until around 9pm. There is nothing so sad as the sun going down at 4:30pm. It makes me terribly lazy, as I am not exactly very productive at nighttime, and is just depressing to get out of work and realize you haven't seen the sun all day. 

• Nectarines. Now that I am very half-heartedly trying to cut out the processed sugars I need really good natural alternatives. Slowly peeling nectarine skins with my teeth and then getting to taste their luscious innards makes saying bye-bye to almond croissants somewhat more bearable. Somewhat. 

• Outdoor concerts. There is something so indulgent about sitting/standing outside in the fresh air and listening to music. Whether craziness like Lollapalooza or a more sedate orchestral performance at the Hollywood Bowl, it's not something I'd find nearly as appealing with the threat of rain or serious chill.

• The beach. I can theoretically go to the beach any season, but the Pacific is freezing, y'all! It's barely tolerable in August, so being able to actually get in the water is something of a treat, even if seeing someone catch a baby shark from the shores of Malibu as a child has basically wiped out my interest in actually swimming in the ocean. 

• Bright colored clothing. If I had to select one color palette to wear for the rest of my life I would undoubtedly go with black, charcoal, and other shades of grey, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the opportunity to have fun with my summer clothes. Mint, bright pink, cobalt, and even (gasp!) white are all fair game when the sun is out and I've got some sad semblance of a tan to help them pop. It's the perfect chance to mix patterns and have some fun since fewer layers means fewer opportunities to criminally clash. 

Tonight, We Dance

I have FINALLY gotten a job offer in my field. I was seriously starting to think I would literally never get hired. The gig involves a level of discretion that requires I undergo a background check so extensive that it may take 2-4 months to be completed and for me to be given my start date but the bottom line is that I can see the light at the end of this broke-ass tunnel lined in low self-confidence and debt.

So knowing me I've already bought myself like 5 "congratulations" gifts, including the only necklace I'll ever need (post to come when it arrives Monday), classes to SPX Pilates at Pilates Plus Silverlake (which I start bright and early at 7am on Monday-I'm so serious about this getting into shape crap that I've started the Paleo Diet and straight up cut out sugar since I've become legitimately addicted to the point of -eek- consuming baked goods almost daily at one point), and a pair of summer sandals that contain silver foil polka dots and are sure to be ruined by the end of the season. Whatever. I'll be able to pay off my credit cards within a couple of months on the new salary, save up to help Mark and I get out of our tiny apartment with its filthy carpet (never again, my friends-forget cold feet and just invest in some good slippers and rugs), and finally be able to afford the kinds of things like regular hair cuts, bikini waxes, and good facial masks that keep people unlike me looking put together and sophisticated. Not going to lie-I will trade all of today's problems for the problems that come along with having a real job. A real job where I get to pee when I want to without asking permission and get a paycheck for that covers more than a tank of gas.

D'oh

Oops, way past due for posting. See, I am currently mega broke, and that makes blogging slightly more...depressing. I can't window shop for cool goods because I never make it out without placing five things in my virtual cart and keeping the tab open for so long that I break and stick a purchase on my credit card. And as an eternal dieter, I can't go gaga posting about all the delicious naughty treats I want to stuff my face with. At least not with any regularity. I mean, I have been craving an almond croissant from Proof Bakery for upwards of a week now but I'm not budging until my pants are as loose as your mother (sorry, sometimes my humor is awkward and crass). And that would make for a drool-worthy blog post because everyone knows the almond croissant is the best weekday breakfast treat ever. I sort of hate those blogs that just regurgitate fashion images with no original content so while my life is pretty boring, I just don't have much "coolness" to put out there.

So instead, you're reading about all the ways in life I fail. Sorry, I'm not loving it much either. But if you want me to be more entertaining, just find someone to give me a normal-paying gig! Actually, please do. Then I can blog about buying fun exercise classes at the Heartbeat House, which will help me burn enough calories to justify running across the street for that frickin' croissant.

In A Nutshell...

I used to feel guilty and inferior for not having it all together. Then I realized you only get it all together in time to die or become too decrepit to move your body. Nobody my age has a clue what they are doing, and if they do, they are probably extremely boring while doing their version of the elusive it. So here's to making mistakes and having as much fun as possible along the way!

Speaking of mistakes, I'm going to Las Vegas at the end of the week. The reason is a good one-my cuz is graduating law school, but Vegas, man do I hate that town. Still, I've decided that I will completely avoid everything about it I hate (compulsive gambling, fake tits, chain stores everywhere, and public vomiting) by consuming my time at the few places I love: the Peppermill diner with it's fake pink foliage covering the ceilings and pitch-black lounge illuminated by a fire pit (okay, not exactly safe but my current lack of funds will preclude getting to the point where I stumble into the flames) and giant macarons from Bouchon Bakery.

"If You're Truly Wild At Heart...

...you'll fight for your dreams." Wild At Heart, which is all sorts of crazy goodness, happened to be on HBO the other night and I caught it just in time to hear those words uttered by Sailor's good witch/fairy godmother/hallucination. And it's a good thing I did. Finishing up my coursework and now being simply unemployed rather than a graduate student seeking employment has been a really hard adjustment. The wealth of Gang of Four music playing around here probably hasn't been terribly helpful for my mood either...But that's okay.

 A graduation card my mom gave me offered a lot of perspective-she wrote that a lot of people are so consumed with career or their own woes that they don't really enjoy life, and that I'm lucky to at least be in a position to have a lot of amazing experiences and wonderful opportunities outside the career realm. I mean, yeah I want to get the show on the road in terms of working in a special collections library already, but in the meantime I go out and explore this fabulous city, have the support of an amazing boyfriend, and haven't put my life on hold. So yes, I am going to fight for my dreams rather than sit in a pool of my own tears wallowing in the salty-sad mess.

So as for that next adventure, Australia proved to be too expensive right now, probably down to the overblown fuel costs. So we opted for Turkey! My pops went on a ridiculous trip a couple years ago, and it put the seed in my mind looking at all of his beautiful pictures. We'll be there for 12 days,  seeing everything from the ancient ruins at Ephesus and Troy, exploring modern Istanbul, hanging out in hot springs cliffs in Pamukkale, and tons of other amazing places. I'm actually more excited about this trip. We leave at the end of November and I cannot wait. Let's hope by then it's a welcome break from work, but even if it isn't, it's a frickin' vacation and another amazing country to scratch off my map.

The amazing hot springs in Pamukkale. 

Pamukkale.

Cappadocia spice market-loving the color!

Evil eye tree in Cappadocia.

Hot air balloon rides in Cappadocia, where buildings are literally cut into the rock formations.

The Blue Mosque in Istanbul.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Desert Getaway

Our hotel, which was a lot of fun, but damn did they nickel and dime for every little thing. It got to be a bummer.

The Amigo Bar, where yeah, we spent more than a little time.

Roof paintings at the Amigo.

Ace Hotel lobby. A rope and macrame fan's dream hotel.

Okay, so maybe I had a few drinks in my system at this point...at the amazing Parker Palm Springs.

Gorgeous little quartz fountain outside of the Parker.

Mister Parker's. Tasty food and awesome, fun decor.

Indeed. Desert getaway doesn't come cheap. Guess that's why it's a once a year deal. Sigh.

I...Am A Librarian!

If you watched The Mummy and fell in love with Rachel Weisz as a teen like me, you know what I'm talking about. But seriously, I am a librarian! I have officially completed my e-portfolio and am getting the hell out of town to celebrate having received my MLIS! (Now just give me a job)

This fancy bottle of copper-plated Beau Joie champagne is coming with me, and will return home to serve as a flower vase long after I've hiccuped away the last few sips of bubbly.The mister and I are running away to Palm Springs for a few days to soak up some sun, do a little vintage furniture shopping, and sit by the pool with some good books. We're staying at the Ace Hotel, which I'm totally not rail-thin, hipster-cool enough to be admitted attendance but I guess that's what the resort fees cover? Anyway, I'll just wear a bunch of rags in my hair and tribal patterned items and hope for the best.

Right now, though, I'm headed out for my family's Pesach seder, and hoping to convince my pops that helping to finance a dream trip to Peru would make for a superb and well-deserved (ha!) graduation present. Wish ya girl luck.

Know Thy Enemy

See you in a few months ice cream. Until then, get the hell away from me with your tauntingly sweet scent. 

I'm nearly done with my e-portfolio and now that I have 17 whole days to work on my intro, conclusion, and statement of philosophy, I can breathe again and focus on every other part of my life that I've been ignoring since this project began. I haven't dusted anything in the apartment in so long I literally can't remember doing it, haven't painted my nails since January, have an inch of roots in my hair, haven't even straightened my hair in at least a month because the idea of spending 30 minutes on something so frivolous felt too indulgent, and feel fatter than ever (no, it's not actually true, but I'm at the highest weight I've weighed in many years and need to drop 5-8 pounds stat). So now it's time to pay attention to me again! Yay and hallalujah.

Which is what brings me to finally breaking my sugar addiction-and it is a full blown addiction at this point-by completely cutting the sweet stuff out of my diet in the ten days leading up to my mini trip with Mark to Palm Springs to celebrate getting my MLIS and his getting to take more than one day off in a row. It's going to be a long, hard road out of flabby body hell but I figure if I can find the willpower to survive it, I'll have loose pants in time for vacation and be less likely to wear a muumuu into the Ace Hotel's pool rather than a bikini. Once I get home, if there's more weight to drop I'll continue the no sugar shock, because while I have a sweet tooth and will always pick cheating with ice cream over french fries, I've somehow gotten to the point where it's cool to eat Sour Patch kids every single day like I'm a five year old. And no, I've definitely not got a five year old's metabolism. So wish me luck, pull any sweets you see in my hands from my grip, and let's home when I share photos on here of my trip that neither of us are thinking "should have cropped closer to hide that bedonkadonk/those hips/that extra chin."

Stress As Relaxation

The Raven Spa's entryway-a beautiful spot, but one I didn't mind leaving behind.

I'm really not one for relaxation. Case in point: Mark wanted to tack me onto his semi-regular appointment for a massage last Tuesday at the Raven Spa in Silverlake and I practically begged him to let me not go. I begged this man to not pay for me to get a massage! I'm bonkers. But the truth is, the idea of having a couple hours of solitude to work on my e-portfolio (the only thing standing in the way of me getting my MLIS degree) that's due in exactly one month sounded so much better on the stress-reduction meter. He didn't budge. He told me I'd think of nothing and almost want to fall asleep. He told me it would leave me feeling weightless for the rest of the day. He, ladies and gentelmen, is clearly not me. Because I spent the bulk of that hour of getting twisted, kneaded, and turned thinking about when it was going to be over, perusing the next door Broome St. General Store, and what I needed to get done that week. Sure, it was nice, but the truth is, I think I'd get more out of a yoga class or spinning. I can't sit still without feeling guilty-the massage felt like an over the top, wild luxury. The other day Mark's brother asked me why I wouldn't consider going to a place like Hawaii for vacation after I mentioned our plans to visit Australia (already a semi-chill compromise of destination on my part), and it all became clear-I consider stress and the pressure of go-go-go to be living. Hawaii sounds so boring. Ha! I don't feel guilty about traveling the globe because while I'm gone it's hustle, hustle, hustle to experience everything I want to see-but laying on a mat for an hour? Panic. It may be that I'm seeking a fulfillment that I don't already possess (thanks, stalled career) but either way, I am slowly realizing that the more that's on my plate, the happier I am. Even if it means my back is a tangle of knots that require bribery and coercion to work out.

Thank Fuck This Week Is Over

Crazy ass, horrible week. Like tears ever day bad. So let's review the good stuff that kept me from jumping off my balcony and rejoice that it's Friday mf-ers (even though I am staying home like a granny tonight to work on my e-portfolio for school)!

 I picked up this sweet little card at Ige on Beverly Blvd. after having a seriously tasty salad over at Susina Bakery with my mom on Monday. Man do I wish I could have tried one of their almond croissants!

 Ayelet in eyelet. More noteworthy, however, is that I took this photo using Apple's Photobooth application. Because I am the proud owner of a brand new MacBook Pro laptop! Mark brought it home to me as a total (major) surprise the other day as a sort of make-up gift for our anniversary and Valentine's Day. I am such a lucky lady and cannot wait to stop using this old, ugly, and annoying PC. Apple for life, bitches!

 I am currently obsessed with filling the pantry with Weck jars. They look so much more streamlined than having a bunch of ugly boxes or loose bags of lentils spilling their contents all over the place. After picking up some Hawaiian black salt up over at the Broome St. General Store that was packaged in a tiny version, I realized that everything just looks better in coordinating jars! I picked up some local produce (and a package of Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cups-so sue me...) at Atwater Village Farm over the weekend and loved being able to immediately give the items a pretty home.

Between the Weck jars and Martha Stewart's new line of office supplies for Avery, I'm totally in organizational mode. Get. It. Done. We reorganized the bedroom on Tuesday and it looks a million times cleaner and more open now. I picked up these elastic tags to keep our plethora of cords under control, a folder that adheres to the inside of a cabinet drawer to keep all of our random appliance guides in one out of the way place, and labels for the Weck jars. I'll be buying a billion more of the items once I have time for extra projects.

Today I went on a tour of the LAPL's Central Library with the San Jose State ALA student chapter. While I'd been there before to pick up research materials I never quite realized what a beautiful and massive space it is. This stained glass globe light is surrounded by the twelve zodiac symbols and a ring of lights to represent the library's central theme-the light of learning. It's spectacular and cost $50,000 in 1933.

Sante D'or Lovefest

Life is happily crazy-busy right now. Between overtime at work, some really productive projects for school, and my new role of being on the board at Sante D'or and trying to get some animals adopted, I don't have much time for things I really need to do like exercise, let alone extra things like blogging. One thing I found time for: buying some pretty little heart shaped sprinkles for the brownies I baked for tomorrow's adoption event at Urban Pet on Beverly Blvd. Since I rarely bake, I also made a run to Surfas in Culver City to buy some quality goods like Valhrhona chocolate, and discovered the wonder of Maldon salt. Holy crap is that stuff delicious and where have I been? Nevermind the fact that each crystal is legitimately pyramid-shaped like a mini Chichen Itza-the stuff tastes so good topped on everything from roasted cauliflower to baked salmon and would undoubtedly turn soft caramels into a godly treat.

What everyone who comes out and makes a donation, big or small, will be getting tomorrow.

Baller! For One Night, Anyway

Today is my five year anniversary with Mark (woot woot, yay us!). We are going to celebrate tomorrow, but a preview of things to come:

Granted, a bottle of Perrier-Jouet vintage is a tad excessive for anyone who is hardly making much more a month than it costs, but thankfully Mark isn't as tragic as me and didn't mind marking the occasion with the most expensive bottle of bubbly either of us ever hope to purchase. Besides, while the bub might not last past the night, that pretty Art Deco painted bottle isn't going anywhere. Hopefully just like Mark!

Plans To Make God Laugh

Remember how I was going to remain hopeful that 2012 was my year? That the things holding me back from moving forward in my life would start to come together? Yeah, this past week has pretty much all but snuffed out that enthusiasm. Still, there have been a few things this week that along with finally making some good money have made getting out of bed worthwhile.

 A trip to Michael's resulted in the purchase of this package of neon glitter. What am I going to do with it? I dunno, but it's neon! And it was the last one-I couldn't bear the idea of leaving, deciding afterward that I needed it, and then not being able to find it. 

I did top off my nail polish with the glitter, which sort of fluoresces under black light. I plan on using them on candles and maybe for jewelry but for now I'm just happy I have them for when the creative forces strike.

J. Crew is ridiculously overpriced (esp. because the quality is mediocre, at best) but they have good sales on their basics and I scored a bunch of stripy wonders for about $10-15 each. This pink thermal is way more vibrant in person and I'm sort of living in it right now...

Jason Wu for Target comes out on Sunday. Kitty items are obviously adorable, but if I can get my mitts on a dress or two without getting beaten up by another fashion-hungry vulture (or eBay reseller...), I won't complain either.

I Like When Other People Do My Hair

Life's busy at the moment, so unread blog is low on the totem pole of priorities, but I have to share this photo from work on True Blood yesterday. I was a fangbanger, which for the twelve people out there who don't watch the show, is a human who wants to get bitten or *ahemed* by a vampire. While most people were given outfits, apparently I'm crazy enough to get away with my own wardrobe, because all I was handed was one measly spiked cuff. Though the hair department made up for it by giving me this quasi-beehive 'do, since all tramps from Louisiana looking to get banged by a dead dude wear their hair high...Whatever, I enjoyed it because lord knows I have zero talent doing much with my flat, thin, sad mop of hair!

Sorry for the lack of gothy makeup-14 hours later, I really didn't care if I looked the part anymore.

None More Black

Whoops, I have a blog! Sometimes, since nobody reads this, I forget. But since it's here, I ought to at least attempt to throw together a post. I've have been trying really hard to maintain my whole "2012 is going to be awesome!" mantra as to stay positive and forward-thinking, but feel my same ol' issues starting to create fissures in that plan. It may just be that I've had a pulsating headache for the past three and a half days, that a job I was certain I would get has been pushed back leaving me in a will-I-or-won't-I state of limbo, or that I am pretty much only getting work on ridiculous gigs like 'do jump squats while wearing a snorkel for tv'-yes, that is actually something I agreed to do for money because I need money desperately. Whatever it is, I'm not going to let it derail me like I did last year, but I am decidedly feeling a bit dark at the moment.


Image from here

Week In Photos

Happy New Year! Yeah, I'm over that ish too. But I had to post the photo because it's probably the only one of me I've ever seen where I have any boobs/cleavage. Who knew those were there? 

Went to see the Rose Parade floats on Monday. This dino is from the LA Natural History Museum's and my personal favorite. Man, what a clusterfuck. It was a cool experience and in the end I had a good time, but I'm glad I have had the experience so that I don't have to replicate it anytime soon!

Finn and the newest 'Da Bird' toy get acquainted. 

Christmukkah came late this year for the "kids" but was worth the wait, I think! Another Atomic Attic creation.

Wearing the set of handmade bracelets my awesome 11-year old cousin Natalie made for me. 

A literary lover's dream register at Co-op 28, a newish boutique on Vermont Ave. that's happily within walking distance and stocked with great jewelry and fun t-shirts. 

Mark's first haircut at the fabulous Sweeney Todd's Barber Shop down the street from our apartment. 

Needless to say, I was smitten with the results.

All's Well That Ends Well

As 2011 draws to a close, I can't help but let out a sigh of relief. Of course, the year wasn't horrible-it included a host of travels, some minuscule career-wise progress, and lots of little adventures; but in the end it was also a year of depression, very unstable income, and confusion that I am want to forget. So at the risk of 2012 ending with the wholesale destruction of humanity, I'm ready to say ta-ta to 2011. But not before looking back at a few of the photographable (i.e. mostly superficial) highlights:

Finding a restored telephone table from Eagle Rock's Sniveling Sibling, to satisfy my love of the nostalgic.

Our first "real" piece of furniture, this Broyhill Brasilia midcentury credenza with which I am in deep, ardent love.

Balloons for any and all occasions, this one Valentine's.

Miraculous eBay wonder of a lifetime: Rick Owens motorcycle jacket that I wear like a second skin, mraaaowr.

Making a find of the Vivienne Westwood devil horns tiara.

Relaxing at the Parker Palm Springs, amongst cotton-tailed bunnies and fabulous decor.

Mini ponies and mini donkeys in Solvang.

The glorious tackiness of the Madonna Inn, as seen in the dining room. 

Sitting outside at the Nepenthe Restaurant in Big Sur, with the sun on my face and a view of the Pacific Ocean below.

The 50th anniversary craziness at the Tiki-Ti.

Returning to Israel after 8 years away.

Visiting Madrid, even if it was with my less than enthusiastic dad and brother.

LA Rising and the regenerative properties of live music when it's as good as Muse.

Volunteering at Sante D'or and finding happiness in caring for kitties and pups.

Finn finally allowing me to pick him up for up to five whole seconds without squirming.

Getting my British on at Claridge's super fancy high tea.